


your love is misplaced (where does your heart go when you tell it to stay?)

by orphan_account



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:53:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24957922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Harry was on one knee, ring in hand, proposing to Ginny, and also in the middle of realising he was in love with somebody else.
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Harry Potter
Comments: 4
Kudos: 76





	your love is misplaced (where does your heart go when you tell it to stay?)

It was a sunny afternoon.

Harry was on one knee, ring in hand, proposing to Ginny, and also in the middle of realising he was in love with somebody else.

It was a well known fact that Harry was rather slow on the uptake.

Sometimes things that were obvious just flew completely over his head. He wasn't really sure why, had never bothered to try and puzzle it out. That was just one of the many facets to his character that he learned to acknowledge and tried to ignore most days.

Ginny had been dropping boulder sized hints about wanting to get married for two weeks until Harry had finally realised. And even then he hadn't come to the realisation on his own- it had to be pointed out to him by Ron of all people.

He supposed he shouldn't be all too surprised that even the fact that he _wasn't_ in love with Ginny and was in fact in love with someone else had taken him a painfully long time to figure out. It was unfortunate though that that bit of information had dawned on him as he was proposing to Ginny, and _not_ the woman that he was in love with.

Ginny gasped, surprised, though it looked to him like she was acting it up a bit. "Oh, Harry, yes!"

Harry hadn't actually said the words. He knew. Because the moment he had pulled the ring out he had realised it was a mistake and he had been too shocked to make a sound. Still, that hadn't stopped Ginny from accepting what was obviously a proposal, plucking the ring out of his hand and sliding it onto her finger.

Hermione made a small sound somewhere to the side, crying as she looked at the ring on Ginny's finger.

And there was the problem.

(The _other_ problem, the problem that wasn't Harry and Ginny now being technically engageddespite the fact that Harry, as it turned out, did _not_ have feelings for her.)

When Harry had knelt down, and was in the process of pulling the ring out of his pocket, he had chanced a look at Hermione. For reassurance, or just because looking to Hermione for help before he made big decisions had become half a habit. But Hermione was already looking at him, eyes watering, smiling encouragingly. And he had thought _wow, she's pretty._ And then proceeded to realise immediately after that he was in love with her.

Really, his timing couldn't have been worse.

Ron pulled Harry up to his feet, laughing as he clapped him on the back. "About time, Harry!"

Harry could only nod absentmindedly, determinedly trying to avoid looking at Hermione's direction.

Unfortunately, despite his inner pleas and prayers, Hermione stepped in front of him anyway.

"Congratulations, Harry!" She'd said, wiping away at her tears as she laughed.

Then she threw her arms around him and hugged him, tight.

Harry realised all over again that he was in love with her. He was in love with Hermione. _Shit._

Hermione pulled back, smiling at him, looking very much beautiful and lovely and-

_Fuck._

She looked happy for him. Genuinely, sincerely happy, and for some reason that made everything worse. Harry had only just recognised that he was in love with her, only to now have to deal with the fact that she clearly didn't reciprocate any of those feelings. If she did, wouldn't she have said something? Wouldn't she have told him? Wouldn't she look at least a _little_ bit torn up?

This was quickly turning out to be the worst night of his life.

**—**

Harry was twenty.

He had thought it would be a bit young to be proposing, to get married. But no one else had shared those thoughts, had simply thought that _if you were in love, you were in love._

If only that hadn't been the case, if only someone had convinced him to _wait,_ to think it through a little longer. Then maybe he would've realised it was a mistake before it was too late. Maybe he would've realised he'd actually been in love with Hermione for half his life before it was too late and he was suddenly engaged to another girl.

Harry groaned, letting his head fall against the kitchen counter with a dull thud.

"Harry?" A voice whispered.

Harry stiffened immediately as he raised his head.

Hermione was stood at the doorway, eyebrows creased in concern.

Harry cursed his bad luck.

"Mione." He murmured.

"You alright? What are you doing up so late?" She asked, moving to stand across from him at the other end of the counter.

He considered his answers carefully. He'd always been pants at lying, especially to Hermione. He'd have to think of something good, and something convincing.

"I was just, you know," He waved his arms vaguely as he said this, "thinking about things."

Hermione pursed her lips for a moment, before sighing and reaching over to take one of his hands in hers. "I understand. Now that you and Ginny are engaged you must be worried about planning for the wedding."

Harry stared down at where his and Hermione's hands were connected, mouth parted slightly. They'd done this a million times before, he knew that, but still somehow, her touch was foreign to him. Electrifying. Intoxicating.

"Yeah." He choked out eventually, when she shot him a strange look. "I couldn't sleep. I was nervous."

She nodded, understanding. "It's nothing to worry about, Harry. You and Ginny love each other, everything will run smoothly."

"Right." He said, even thought he meant _wrong._

They talked for a few minutes more, Harry beginning to sweat more and more the longer she held onto his hand, before she bid him a goodnight and headed up to bed.

Harry fell asleep that night feeling as if his entire world had been flipped upside down.

**—**

Ginny had begun planning for the wedding almost immediately, her and her mother cheerily chatting away as they planned possibly the biggest and most elaborate wedding Harry had ever heard of.

Ron had taken to hiding out in Fred and George's shop, claiming that he couldn't handle a Ginny this frenzied about anything.

Harry remained in the Burrow because where else would he be?

Hermione had stayed too, but whether that was a good thing or a bad thing he wasn't so sure of yet.

"Harry?"

Harry was shaken from his thoughts when a familiar voice sought him out. He cursed under his breath as he turned to meet Hermione's questioning gaze.

"Hermione..." _You look beautiful- I'm in love with you- Have my babies?_ "... what are you doing out here?"

Hermione frowned a bit at that, and _God_ if she didn't look absolutely adorable. "Looking for you, of course. Did you not realise how far you wandered from the house?"

Harry blinked, and then took a moment to properly survey his surroundings. He hadn't realised how far he'd walked, having been so lost in his thoughts that he didn't think to pay attention to where he was going.

"I didn't notice... sorry." He mumbled, for some reason feeling his cheeks heat up.

He felt like he was fourteen again and in Hogwarts, desperately trying to suppress the urge to steal glances at Cho whenever she was near.

"Are you sure you're alright? You seem... distracted."

Hermione looked so concerned, so worried. It made him feel sick. He wondered if she'd hate him for being in love with her, for having feelings for her despite having a fiancée.

She probably would.

"I'm fi-"

"Do _not_ lie to me, Harry." Hermione bit out, glaring, as if already knowing he would simply brush it off.

Harry sputtered a little, shocked, before bursting out into laughter.

Hermione merely watched him with a raised brow, looking as if she was beginning to worry for his sanity.

"Should've known I'd never be able to fool you." He muttered under his breath, before heaving a great big sigh. "If I tell you, will you promise not to kill me?"

A shocked look crossed her face at the question, but she nodded.

He frowned, for a moment wondering just how he should explain himself, before simply deciding to just come out with it.

"I'm not in love with Ginny." He stated, fast, easy, like it was something he had known for a long time. "Before you say anything, I didn't realise until after I was already down on one knee with the ring out. Bad timing, I know. But I'm an idiot, you knew that about me. You should've known I'd somehow botch up something as important as a proposal."

Hermione stared at him for a long minute, mouth agape. Then she sucked in a deep breath and took a step back, her face twisting into an expression of disbelief and surprise and something a little pained too. Harry hadn't quite understood that look, or why she seemed hurt at all by what he said, but before he could even try to think about what that meant, Hermione had opened her mouth to speak.

"How did you... how did you figure out that you weren't in love with Ginny?" She asked, for some reason out of breath.

He didn't know why she seemed so shaky. Was she angry? Was she upset? What if she didn't really believe him?

"Well, uh..." He hesitated, mouth suddenly dry, "it was you. When I was kneeling in front of Ginny I looked at you for a moment and it kind of just clicked in my head then, that I was actually in love with you, that I was never in love with Ginny. I think I've probably been in love with you for a long time, possibly since I was twelve, and I was just too stupid to realise it until now."

Hermione stood there, silent, staring at him for a while. Harry didn't dare to say another word.

"You're serious." She whispered, half like a statement half like a question.

Harry nodded.

Then, to his complete bewilderment, Hermione started crying.

"Hermione-" He began to say, but before he could get any more words out she had turned and fled back to the Burrow.

Harry was left standing there, frozen, wondering if he had just botched things completely.

**—**

Harry didn't sleep for three nights after that, running over everything that happened in his mind over and over again and agonising over it.

Ginny was still happily preparing for the wedding, blissfully unaware of what was happening outside of the planning.

Hermione was avoiding him, spectacularly well considering they were currently living under the same roof.

Harry hadn't managed to catch her until he went down to the kitchen late one night.

He'd walked in, and she immediately became stiff when she spotted him.

They stared at each other for a long time in silence, before Harry stepped forward.

"Hermione," He started, sounding weak and vulnerable even to himself, "listen, I-"

"No." Hermione interjected, grip tight around her mug. " _No._ Whatever you have to say, I don't want to hear it, Harry. I'm sorry that you're not in love with Ginny, I'm sorry that you're- that you're in love with _me,_ but I refuse to be the other woman. I refuse. I won't do it. I won't hurt Ginny like that, I can't- you- why couldn't you have just realised this years ago?"

She was tearing up at that point, looking like she had spent a lot of the time they hadn't seen each other crying. Harry hadn't focused on that much though, instead trying to piece together what she had just said. She was angry, as he had suspected, but sad for some reason too. _Why couldn't you have just realised this years ago_ _?_ She'd said. Did that mean-

"Hermione, are you- do you-"

Hermione shut him up by covering his mouth with her hand. " _Don't._ I thought I'd made it pretty clear in sixth year what I felt for you, but you never said anything so I assumed that-"

"Hermione-" Harry tried to speak, but his voice was muffled.

"I even asked Ron to see if he could figure out if you felt anything for me but he said he asked and you had just _laughed it off_ and then you ended up dating Ginny immediately after and so I thought it was pretty clear at that point that nothing was going to happen between us-"

At this point, Harry bit her hand.

"Harry!" Hermione gasped, snatching her hand back.

"Sorry, but... Hermione, why didn't you ever say anything?"

Hermione's eyes flashed, her tears threatening to spill. "I thought you knew! I thought you knew and just didn't know how to let me down without making things awkward between us so you didn't say anything. Ron knew, and I hadn't needed to tell him!"

"I'm an idiot, Hermione, nothing was ever going to get through to me unless you spelled it out."

Hermione frowned. "That was the one thing I didn't want to have to spell out for you. I wanted you to realise on your own, and then maybe realise you were in love with me too. Obviously that didn't work, and you realised the wrong thing entirely, but- I needed to know it was _genuine_. I needed to know that it wasn't something I had to point out to you, that you felt it strongly enough to recognise it for yourself."

 _Oh,_ Harry thought, wondering how on earth he had been so stupid that he wasn't able to see that.

Hermione continued. "You were always so... compliant and willing to go with whatever I said. I was worried if I said I loved you, that you would just go with it, just tell me you loved me back simply because I said it and you felt compelled to follow my lead. If there were any feelings there to realise, I _needed_ you to realise them on your own, so I could know they were real, so I could know you weren't just saying you were feeling them out of guilt or responsibility. Because I know you, Harry, and I knew if it meant not upsetting me you would've faked it, faked being in love... like you're doing with Ginny now. You're considerate like that... and cruel like that too."

 _Oh,_ Harry thought again.

"I'm sorry, Hermione." He said, voice coming out a bit strangled, a bit shaky. "Really. I- I didn't know what being in love meant, what it felt like. I told myself for the longest time that what I felt for Ginny was love, even if deep down I knew it wasn't true. I was scared, I was scared if I didn't jump at the opportunity, that if I let Ginny go, there wouldn't be anybody else. I was worried she would be the only one that was capable of loving me and I didn't want to let that go. It never even occurred to me that anybody else could possibly love me, and I had been too scared to consider the possibility that what I felt for Ginny wasn't love, not the right kind of love, because I was worried that would mean I was destined to be alone. But I know that's not true now, I know what love is really like, I _know_ it because I feel it every single second you're with me."

Hermione inhaled sharply as Harry began to advance towards her, keeping her eyes trained on her feet.

"You're engaged." Hermione whispered, more to herself than to Harry.

He took her chin in his fingers, and lifted her head up so that she was looking at him. "And you're still in love with me."

Harry kissed her then, before she could say anything else.

Knowing what it felt like to be in love with her was one thing, but kissing her? Kissing her was another experience. Harry thought it felt rather magical, not in the sense that he was used to, not magical in spells and wands and potions, but magical in the whimsical sense, fireworks and electricity and warmth. It was everything. _She_ was everything.

"You _are_ an idiot." She mumbled, even as she pulled him close to kiss him harder.

**—**

Harry broke off his engagement with Ginny the morning after.

She hadn't taken it well. None of the Weasleys had.

Ron was maybe the only one who could understand though, giving him a knowing look like he knew exactly what happened.

Hermione left the Burrow with him later that night. He was upset about it, but found it hard to regret anything when Hermione slipped her hand in his and looked up at him with those pretty brown eyes of hers.

The Weasleys would come around after a while. Fred and George would be getting Harry back for breaking their sister's heart for a while, but it would be done with more laughter than malice. Molly would mourn the fact that she wouldn't be able to put together Ginny and Harry's wedding, but would be just as happy helping with Hermione and Harry's.

Harry found it hard to care for much other than Hermione, found it hard to dedicate his time to anything other than kissing Hermione, touching Hermione, holding Hermione.

"I love you." He'd whisper in her ear every night as they went to bed.

Hermione would sigh, exhausted, but whisper back an "I love you too." anyway.

Harry felt it deep in his bones, what it meant to love and be loved, and in the end was glad that he had decided to propose to Ginny on that fateful sunny day.


End file.
